WEEK ELEVEN

Jonathan Swift, master satirist of the English language, composed for himself a last memorial that in many ways contains as many layers and twists of meaning as does his great works, Gulliver's Travels and A Modest Proposal. His epitaph reads:

"The body of Jonathan Swift, Doctor of Sacred Theology, dean of this cathedral church, is buried here, where fierce indignation can no more lacerate his heart. Go, traveler, and imitate, if you can, one who strove with all his strength to champion liberty."

Rather than being merely a caution against the damage that anger can do and an encouragement to promote the causes of freedom, Swift's epitaph satirizes his own life work of protesting political inequality, a work that caused him as much indignation within as he stirred up in others, and one that proved conclusively the power of a well-wielded pen to draw blood as quickly as any sword of sharpened steel.  Nowhere is this power more apparent than in his essay, A Modest Proposal, wherein Swift's masterful use of three literary devices, author's persona, diction, and elements of argument, effectively raises society's awareness to the "fierce indignation" of the Irish plight, and which does indeed "champion liberty."

In A Modest Proposal, Swift creates a persona that both mimics and contradicts his own character. It is helpful to know that Swift was born in Ireland, the son of English parents.  Throughout most of his life, Swift defended the Irish against their landlords, both through his writings and in his work as an Anglican priest and the appointed Dean of St. Patrick's Cathedral in Dublin. In fact, the full title of his essay, A Modest Proposal For Preventing The Children Of Poor People In Ireland From Being A Burden To Their Parents Or Country, And For Making Them Beneficial To The Public, implies to the reader that what is to follow is a solution to the economic crisis taking place in Ireland. Immediately within his first sentence, Swift establishes himself as a sincere, concerned citizen, loyal to the Crown. "It is a melancholy object to those who walk through this great town or travel in the country, when they see the streets, the roads, and cabin doors, crowded with beggars of the female sex, followed by three, four, or six children…" He continues his representation of sincerity and concern with, "…in the present deplorable state of the kingdom [this is] a very great additional grievance." Further, he supposes that "…whoever could find out a fair, cheap, and easy method of making these children sound, useful members of the commonwealth, would deserve so well of the public as to have his statue set up for a preserver of the nation." Swift's goal of establishing his narrator's reasonableness is further advanced when he assures his audience that he has thoughtfully pondered this grave dilemma and "…maturely weighed the several schemes of other projectors." Swift's narrator then sets forth to convince the reader that not only is his solution to the problem of starving Irish children so sound it "provide[s] for them in such a manner as instead of being a charge upon their parents or the parish, or wanting food and raiment for the rest of their lives," but it also allows these children to  "…contribute to the feeding, and partly to the clothing, of many thousands." Finally, the narrator "humbly" downplays his proposal, leading the audience to believe that the forthcoming proposal is rational. By creating the persona of a logical, humanistic individual, Swift heightens the impact of his "modest proposal."

Swift's brilliant creation of persona alone is not enough to be effective in raising "indignation" at Ireland's plight; however, when combined with his use of diction, the resulting proposal both shocks and enrages the reader. Swift deliberately and methodically chooses words which not only further the narrator's "proposal," but also enable the audience to read between the lines to see the true purpose of his essay…the call for a change in the affairs of Ireland. He does this by depersonalizing the Irish and reducing them to the level of stock or barnyard animals. Swift's narrator refers to the poor Irish women as "breeders," and then proceeds to dehumanize these "breeders" to nothing more than a number or quantity, as in, "…there will remain an hundred and seventy thousand breeders." As for the children, the narrator insinuates that under the age of twelve, they hold no value and are of no "salable commodity." Even upon reaching the age of twelve their value is still minimal – "three pounds and half-a-crown at most on the exchange." With this declaration of their lack of worth, Swift's narrator launches into his proposal that, "…a young, healthy child well nursed is at a year old a most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a fricassee or a ragout," thus effectively reducing the Irish children to nothing more than a food source. Yet, the narrator is not done with his debasement of Irish children. He implies that it is only after he has reduced them to the level of cows, pigs, or stock animals that they hold any real value, for the carcass of a "good fat child" can, according to the narrator, be sold to wealthy English landlords for "ten shillings," resulting in "eight shillings net profit" to the mother. Swift's narrator suggests that this new delicacy is well-suited for these landlords as "they have already devoured most of the parents," and he furthers his exploitation of the deplorable situation by postulating a general financial benefit since, "the goods being entirely of our own growth and manufacture." Obviously, Swift's development of the reasonableness of his speaker plus the impact provided by his exquisite choice of words greatly increase the power of his proposition.

Finally, in what is perhaps his most powerful technique, Swift uses the classical elements of argument: pathos (the emotional appeal), logos (the logical appeal), and ethos (the ethical appeal), to set forth an outrageous proposal in the most plausible of ways. Swift opens his essay by informing the reader of Ireland's horrendous conditions. The streets and roads are crowded with peasants. Mothers are forced to "beg sustenance" for their children. Children are forced into thievery. Swift uses these emotional images to both snare the reader's attention and evoke pity for Ireland's predicament. Once he has firmly established an emotional stronghold in the reader, Swift then commences his "logical" appeal for change. He does so like a master rhetorician. First, he establishes the credibility of the narrator as a concerned and reasonable citizen. Swift then sets forth the problem, in this case the multitudes of starving Irish, and provides numerical data to support the issue. Finally, he presents his "proposal," and sets forth evidence to support the validity thereof, that is, it would reduce the number of "papists," allow the poorer tenants to have "something valuable of their own," and increase Ireland's economy. In case the gentle reader is still in doubt, Swift eloquently assuages those fears by addressing the ethical considerations to his argument. According to Swift's narrator, his plan would not only solve Ireland's financial hardships, but it would also have some humanistic benefits as well. It would be a "great inducement to marriage," and cause men to "become fond of their wives during the time of pregnancy as they are now of their mares in foal..." Therefore, the fear of miscarriage would reduce the number of instances of spousal abuse. Furthermore, children would become valuable commodities, treasured by their mothers, and so the "horrid" practice of abortion would be prevented. Swift skillfully recognizes all of the potential objections to his proposal and, by employing the classical elements of argument, easily disposes of them.

Thus does Jonathan Swift set up his audience to feel outrage and sympathy for the very people they have caused to be oppressed. By pretending to be of the same class as the oppressors, Swift forces the British and Irish rulers to look at their own behavior. By reducing poor people to the level of sheep or pigs, Swift points out the lack of humanity that colors the attitude of the overclass to the underclass. Further, by employing the most accepted and respected devices of classic argument, Swift clothes a horrific suggestion in the garb of reason, and hammers home his point without once resorting to anger or direct accusation. As satire, A Modest Proposal lives as a great example. As a tribute to the talent and humanity of its creator, it continues as a companion memorial to a great man of undeniably "swift" wit.

About four years ago, a female resident of "Leisure World" retirement community in Seal Beach left the complex to do some shopping at a nearby center. As she left the shopping mall in her extremely large Oldsmobile, this small, frail, ninety-two year old woman pulled down hard on her steering wheel to make a right turn. Unfortunately, she did not straighten the wheel, and instead of completing a right turn, she did a full U-turn and ran into several persons, some of whom were children waiting at a bus stop. All but two of those persons were killed. Despite this tragedy, no charges were filed against this elderly driver. Law enforcement came to the conclusion that there was no point, considering her age and her health. In the same retirement community, an elderly man recently shot and killed his elderly, suffering wife, then turned the gun on himself. The suicide note read that he could no longer stand to watch his wife suffer pain from her illness, and he could not bear the thought of living without her when she finally passed away.

According to the government body, "Administration on Aging", people are living longer. During the next three to four decades, a dramatic increase of elderly persons aged 65 and over in the United States can be expected. This rapid growth is due to better health care and nutrition, and the advancement of medical care in prolonging human life. The cumulative growth of the elderly population, aged eighty-five and above will reach four hundred percent by the year 2050. The Bureau of the Census and the Social Security Administration support these figures and say that they expect the elderly population of the United States to reach seventy-nine million by the year 2050. These demographic changes have given rise to concern. Given that the life expectancy for a male in 2050 will be eighty-six years, and ninety-two years for a female, there will be large increases in the number of people requiring special services. These services include transportation, housing, education, and recreation, in addition to medical services such as in-home care or nursing-home care. Of critical importance will be the number of the elderly population that will be disabled. Even with increased longevity, the number of mild to severely disabled persons is expected to triple before the year 2040. Disease is another factor. Alzheimer's, Dementia, Parkinson's, various forms of cancer, and other debilitating diseases are expected to increase with life expectancy. All of this will put a drain on local, state, and federal resources, as well as family members. What is becoming increasingly clear is the need for a long-term solution to the fast encroaching problem of an overly large, elderly population within the United States.

When one considers the information and statistics given above, it is important to ask the question, "At what age does a man or a woman cease to be useful and become a burden upon society?" or, to put it more bluntly, "At what age do things start becoming a problem"? There are many criteria. If the average age of retirement is sixty, then males in the year 2050 will have twenty-six more years of living, and females will have thirty-two more years. Let us therefore assume, on average, twenty-nine years of life after retirement from a useful profession. One may ask the question, twenty-nine years to do what? In the early retirement years, when health is still good, disease almost nonexistent and money plentiful, many folks in their "autumn years" will continue to be physically active. This activity in itself can become an irritant to other, younger members of society. It can be very difficult to get in a round of golf because of the abundance of seniors on the golf course. If one wants to take a vacation, camping for example, it is particularly annoying when one cannot get a campsite because of the proliferation of recreational vehicles (sometimes in groups of twenty or more) at the camping ground one desires. Even driving to one's destination spot can be frustrating, when one is caught behind a sixties automobile of monstrous proportions with two old heads sitting up front. That is not all. Try getting a nail appointment, or hair appointment prior to one's vacation. The nail salon will be full of older ladies with long red talons, and the hair salon will be busy dealing with copious amounts of blue rinse. The list is endless. Even reserving a hotel room can be tricky, especially if they have a tour bus in. One may decide against a vacation and go out to dinner instead. After a sixty-minute wait, the innocent diner can find himself seated amidst large numbers of seniors, some with denture problems, which can be off-putting.

Statisticians claim that many retirees' start to decline at the age of seventy. Body parts, such as the heart and the hip, start to give out. This is when oldies really start to become a drain. Medical centers and hospitals become clogged, not to mention the time spent by paramedics and other emergency services attending to the needs of the elderly at the expense of the younger generation. Eyesight really starts to fail at around seventy years of age, resulting in dependence on optometrists for eye care; the natural tooth will usually give up its usefulness at seventy also, leading to a reliance on dentistry. The digestive system may no longer function, with unpleasant side effects. The mind also starts to deteriorate, as our esteemed President Ronald Reagan has demonstrated. Many older people would testify that they would rather not be alive at all than live with a poor quality of life.

After looking at the evidence, the only humane solution that will satisfy both young and old is to terminate life at the age of seventy. Some people may find this notion a little disturbing, but it will only be disturbing until society gets used to the idea. Society must consider the advantages. The drain on medical care and other resources will be virtually eliminated. The economy will flourish as money is freed up to go towards better education and living standards for the young. The money saved by the elderly will go to their offspring, for use in paying mortgages, car payments, university fees, and weddings. Money would not have to be spent on research into diseases of the elderly, and a fortune will be saved on prescription medication. One could watch the evening news with Peter Jennings without commercials for laxatives, Fixodent, Depends, and Preparation H. It will be easier to get around Disneyland, with no wrinklies wearing their Mickey Mouse ears taking up space. If the reader remains unconvinced, consider this. Science has progressed so much of late, that if a person shows exceptional giftedness or talent during his or her lifetime, then that person can be cloned. Logically, therefore, society would not be terminating a useful life, merely replacing it. King David states quite clearly in the Biblical book of the Psalms, (Psalm 90:10) that "The length of our days is seventy years, or eighty, if we have the strength; yet their span is but trouble and sorrow, for they quickly pass, and we fly away". Society has the technology, and society also has the approval of the Lord himself.

In conclusion, one must look at the practicalities, the "hows" and wherefores of terminating so many seventy-year-olds. The population of the United States, both young and old, must be gently persuaded, "educated" to the idea of termination. It will become a thing of honor, something to be revered and looked forward to. The termination itself will become a thing of beauty and grace, a spiritual moment, if you will. After the termination (performed cleanly, of course, with the use of chemicals), there will be many bodies to dispose of. It would be aesthetically unpleasing to bury so many, (the cemetery space could be put to much better use) or to cremate them, but even in death the seniors can give back to society. Many citizens are gardeners, and good organic fertilizer is so expensive these days. If the bodies are dried and ground, they will be an excellent source of potassium. America's flowerbeds and gardens will flourish without the use of appalling chemicals, and even in death the elderly inhabitants of this land can produce a thing of beauty for all to enjoy. Finally, let the reader be aware that the above solution applies only to citizens of the United States of America. The author's parents reside safely in the United Kingdom. Also, as the author possesses dual citizenship, she will return to the land of her birth, England, at the age of sixty-five, where she will live out the remainder of her days in peace and tranquility, gardening with an excellent organic fertilizer.

Johnny can't read. The cry first went out in the seventies. Since then, the tone has changed, the rhetoric shifted, and yet, the underlying ill is the same. Our nation's youth are suffering from woeful inequalities between schools. Even in neighborhoods that are moderately well off, the schools are morasses of inept attempts to save a sinking ship. Students slip into the icy dark waters of ignorance while politicians debate the proper arrangement of deck chairs. It is the future that suffers from our present inability to reach consensus. In the end, we will self-destruct from our own stupidity. We have the tools that can make a difference. We have begun to test our children annually. It is time to take the next logical step forward.

Everyone is not a rocket scientist. Nor would we be better off trying to make every student into one. It is evident that we have a limited amount of time, space, and money to educate our children with. We should not waste precious resources on one child who will no more cure cancer than fly of his own volition. What we should be doing, however, is encouraging each student to live up to his full potential. It would be no difficult task to incorporate skill testing into the battery of tests already administered to children throughout their scholastic careers. The military and private organizations use aptitude testing on a regular basis to determine the best field for an individual to pursue. If a child can be tracked from the time he first enters the educational system until an appropriate age, roughly thirteen according to common legal precedents, then we all will be better served by that system.

How often are hours wasted in college, by students and staff alike, dealing with those individuals who have no idea why they are there? It is inefficient to use the college's limited resources in this way. It is equally wasteful to send these drifting types of students through the extra years of high school designed to prepare them for college. Conversely, it must be recognized that there are janitors and mechanics that are squandering their God given intellect simply because of a lack of motivation, the absence of appropriate role models or a complete lack of adequate funds. What is required of us is to take a bold step into a new and promising direction.

Education is not free. As it stands today, education is inequitable and inefficient. The new way of teaching our youth addresses what is often the biggest stumbling block for reformers today. Because national, rather than regional, funds will be pooled together and subsequently redistributed, equality in education will finally be achieved. Funds will be allocated to institutions on a per student basis. To ensure proper planning for future student populations, the census will be combined with a program whereby hospitals and birthing centers register all newborns with the education-planning department. These numbers, in conjunction with information provided by the INS, will serve as the ongoing framework on which a national scholastic system will be built. Preplanning populations may require some limi)
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í¨öÕžá‘WÚÁ ‚} úh1y¹pøÂ…)Æ™®•âûæ+/Ñ9A³Éå΀‰ùƒKó‹)X-�‚…þ§ËÃÝm-Þºt :É™ÆÃp’Îb4�´úþçs)ÍÜ]_Þ'•�>Ovg];Úûfh³»7æ¦2¸éagœŠ„ŒëŒ)3,�É©©¾ÉtÊéIön£Ê&#Y%üÆÚ }téÏû�µs ý)7ä¹›ÄN{Ó(!¦TªÁR‰;€ï±µ†Î Þý©›Š¿çA/0tΗà.òˆ!SÛ5³¶QHÄÃ~úlÉ7Û–© F,d¹Ý�æâeo…Æùn”�dì!FIhE4_œfÍ&c'‡®�;YotÍÖ:’Qüðœiá+ŒÈh®¦•Ð¸Ò+7©ˆ…ká"&ÅαÉ9 M×A#˜‹¶Ì]xŸÞl~{ÎmåK>%fÐq£0z8r©{PafTA=C�4ÃÑ£y¾°À jcJ=ìfä¥S¡c$Ú�ÖPac�øOÑqB^9q‡ÐH³a%ÒHõ¦o´ÎBCH}ûùS5‘øá ¨Ä¢Ñ•æåKÇLëP4Ü…ƒòóº»òjÓ•/ýB 2Ÿ _ ÿ”~èçÚôÚCQ#/{ ‹GˆmMœ8yéCîÍAø>R‚ùX/LŸ¯Öë´ l•Ã3³Õƒ¹h¶‘•K1^ñõD-n7,I�%0#ÈR{ê!Ùgî|@aiv ðjw¦ñÏŽÙ'^ hvè/KüG‚È$ʼpÊ?þËî S㪗9^!š 6ŽŠ�SŽ¡È«"Çh³a�s•ûQ“{�&s÷¶ëªn^x”]ÐÚàqhNÔÜ{/I'ß4•±79Btkµ„hšE6¦ø„ÁC·VK;æsî„ó94ž7‡ to bring light to their camps because the sequins reflect light from every possible angle. Any woman wearing one of these would certainly be the center of attention. Rana is proud of this model because she feels it represents the light shining darkest sections of her country. This jacket model is called Shining Knight.

For the daytime sessions, Rana got more creative, seeing this as her opportunity to really make a statement. She knew that she would be required to be on the runway in her casual wear. She decided to name this model the Runway Flak because many times in an Israeli woman's day, she is doing just that, running. This version is light, weighing only ten pounds. It features numerous pockets to hold ammunition and explosive materials. Covered with a pastel print organza the Runway Flak keeps the wearer's attitude upbeat, feeling light on her feet. "I just feel good when I wear this", states Miss Raslan. She went one step further, getting dangerously close to the core of woman's beauty: the AK47. Rana accented her jacket by draping this accessory over her shoulder with a thin silver chain. Additional rounds and hand grenades attach to the chain via quick release fasteners. A lipstick case covered in the same pastel organza attaches at the side of the AK47. This makes looking beautiful a snap while performing a woman's daily routine.

The market potential for these clothing items and accessories is incredible. Many international designers have purchased rights to Rana's designs. Bill Blass, Bob Macki, and Calvin Klein have already started planning their fall lines. Gloria Vanderbilt has added a poncho version for mothers where up to three children can slip under the drape for protection. Martha Stewart is launching her version of Raslan fashions for the home in spring of 2002. Her line will feature protective window curtains and household devices that are decorative, yet destructive. KB Toys has started production on a toy for infants in the shape of a child sized AK47. Playing with this toy will familiarize the child with the AK47 instrument at a very young age. When they get older the features of the device will be etched into their memories. Minimal training will be required. Highly trained attack teams will be assembled in a moment's notice.

Drastic times call for drastic measures. However, as one can see by the insight and style of Miss Israel 2001, adapting to the times can be pleasant. The sequins and sleeves of the Shining Knight will bring light to her country. The Runway Flak will lift the spirits of the women in her country while combining their beauty treatments with daily chores. Moreover, the Flak Ski will enhance other, very important portions of their lives. Her designs have sparked a revolution of another kind, one that will surely turn the meek into powerful forces. Israel will serve as the test market. Once the products' production has caught up with demand, business will begin to release their designs to the American market. The possibilities are endless. Imagine; housewives of Orange County no longer fearful of driving in Los Angeles, teenage girls no longer afraid to hitch-hike and, children capable of dealing with school yard bullies in pre-school. There will no longer be survivors of Columbine or Waco because events like those will never happen. Rana Raslan, the first Arab Miss Israel, opened the eyes of the world to beauty, brains, and brawn. Once again, the country of Israel produces a figure that sets people free of their chains. Interesting how history repeats itself. The millennium doesn't look so bad for mankind after all.

Recently, President George W. Bush named a new drug czar for America. John P Walters will serve as the director of the Office of National Drug Control Policy. He comes into a position that has a short history of failure, disappointment, and lack of presidential support. In a recent survey by the Pew Research Center for the People and the Press, 74% of Americans believe the war on drugs is a failure. During the Clinton administration Americans saw a president who said, "I didn't inhale", after blowing some horrible notes on a saxophone, and watched him cut the size of the federal antidrug staff. Prior to Clinton, America saw the most intense period of antidrug efforts during the years between 1979 and 1992. During this time, the rate of illegal drug use dropped by more than half. Cocaine use dropped by three-fourths between 1985 and 1992. However, during the course of the last administration, drug use rose 15%. To some, the issue seems worse among America's children. According to recent surveys, lifetime use of illegal drugs increased by 37% among eighth graders and 55% among tenth graders. Currently, more than one-quarter of all high school seniors are illegal drug "abusers". This is an 86% increase between 1992 and 1999.

I say, "Damnit, our youth is getting the right message." Who is this new "president" think he is? Does he have the right to take away the joys of feeling depressed, irritable, and fatigued? How about the citizen's right to waste his/her future? Doesn't our youth have every right to become whatever they want, even a drug addict? It's not like they will starve or be without shelter if they do not want to. The government, through the hording of tax dollars, will support them. And of course there are always the shelters, funded by the unfolded wallets of America's most cherished and compassionate bleeding hearts. Who are we to force a human being, alive with free will, to focus on school and success, and "becoming something useful to our society" rather than enjoying the succulent hit on a joint, or the refreshing inhale of cocaine up the nasal passage, or the brief exuberant exhilaration of softly puncturing the skin and vein to inject a diluted "vision giver"? We are no one. Are we not taught to be tolerant of everyone else's views and desires? I think that our youth have been observant, talented in replicating presidential behaviors, and brave in defying local authority to acquire such substances.

Want, turned to need, demands supply. Of course, as long as there is a "demand" (I prefer the term – desire) there will be supply. The new administration is looking at ways to stop the "traffic" rather than focus on the rehabilitation of an "addict" (I prefer the title – Freebase Lover). This will reduce the supply for the growing "desire" all over America. In turn, the prices of substances, as desirable as chocolate to a chocoholic, will increase like recent house prices in California. No one will be able to afford it except the wealthy. Does the Bush administration even think about the consequences of such an action? Instead of just having a bunch of drug-addicted mistakes born every day to Freebase Lovers, we will have a bunch of drug-addicted mistakes born to Freebase Lovers who can no longer afford food for the little "oopses". We cannot forget all the researchers who have jobs because of the wealth of information acquired in studying drug-addicted mistakes. I think that would be a waste of a lot of PhDs.

In a recent article William J. Bennett, drug czar under President George H. Bush, stated, "Some people will admit that there is a place for law enforcement (Like preventing government from breaking-and-entering into the lives of Americans?), but contend we spend too much on this effort, to the detriment of demand reduction. In fact, according to Robert DuPont, who led the nation's antidrug efforts under Presidents Nixon and Ford, there has never been as much federal money spent on prevention education as is being spent today. The U.S.'s total spending on drug-demand reduction far exceeds the amounts spent in the rest of the world combined." Hello! Did I hear that right? Sounds like wasted money to me. How high is the National Debt? How many families live in the Appalachian Mountains without running water, food, and a good supply of "grass"? How many Freebase Lovers suffer financial distress, familial abandonment, impaired memory, mental illness, physical illness, constant constipation, heart failures, irregular heart beats, strokes, paranoia, nasal ulcers, cancers, involuntary muscle spasms and cramps, loss of coordination, loss of bowel and bladder control, or an agonizing death because instead of researching ways to combat the negative aspects of drugs the government is waging a war on suppliers who bring moments of bliss and exhilaration to the lives of America's citizens. Our illustrious government has once again screwed up the list of America's priorities. If the U.S. government would be more concerned with providing a steady and inexpensive supply to meet the desires of the American people, we would see a drastic reduction in minor to violent crimes. Current drug prices are driving our citizens to stealing and killing for money. Frequent stories are read about the Freebase Lover who desired a fix so bad that he knocked off an "innocent" citizen for twenty dollars. If an object of a people's desire is more valuable than human life, then I think that the government needs to be sensitive to this and provide a way to supply the American people with what they want.

In conclusion, I would like to address the benefits that illicit drugs have brought to our culture. Modern art, in many mediums, has been the blessed recipient of such influence. Take for example children's shows like H.R. Puff-n-stuff, Puff the Magic Dragon, Scooby Doo, Lidzville, and of course who could forget Sigmund and the Sea Monsters. Then there is music. Most of America's greatest rock came out of the 60s and 70s. America celebrated drug-induced artists like Janis Joplin, Jimmy Hendrix, The Doors, The Grateful Dead, and Sid Vicious of the Sex Pistols. Artists throughout the ages have created wonderful pieces while under an influence of narcotics. Native Indians would smoke from the "peace pipe" and create stories communicated through dance and artistic imagery. Drugs influenced a great artistic movement called surrealism. Today, with the proliferation of the computer, many ex-sixties drug users have created computer generated psychedelic art, fractals, and computer animation out of their experience with drugs. These things are pleasing to the eye and soul. Drugs also had their positive affects on Jazz and Beat writers of the twentieth century. With such positive regards to drug use we ought to be fighting for the rights of suppliers and users alike. One day our lives may be touched because of the influence a Freebase Lover may have on us.

When I was growing up, I heard adults joke amongst each other about two things that were certain in life: death and taxes.  I never understood the joke until I started working.  Then I realized the joke was on me when I saw the percentage of taxes Federal and State decided to take out of my hard-earned paycheck.  Even when I was eighteen, I still didn't understand why they kept taking taxes out of my paycheck.  I mean, wasn't once enough?  Then I found out the money goes to pay our policemen, who keep our streets safe, to our firefighters, who extinguish deadly blazes, to our judges, who uphold the law, to our prison guards, who keep the bad guys and gals behind locked bars.  We also pay for adult and juvenile correction officers, who try and rehabilitate the kids who have ‘gone wrong'.  Our tax dollars also go to build our schools, where our future is taught, to pay our teachers, who teach for the love of it because it can't be for the money!  Our tax dollars are spent on building new prisons, which we seem to never have enough of.  We also feed the prison inmates, clothe them, give them weights to build their strength, educate them with inmate programs which include vocational, academic, and other.  Our tax dollars ensure these thieves, drug dealers, and murders get three square meals a day, medical treatment, magazines and books to read.  If they can't read, our tax dollars will teach them how with the inmate literacy program.  Ah yes, if feels good to be alive and pay taxes.

It is easy to forget where our taxes go since we've paid them as far back as we care to remember.  We moan and complain when tax season is here, but then we forget once tax season is gone.  We aren't able to stop paying taxes so why think about it.  Taxes are a part of living (and dying).  Our parents paid taxes, and their parents paid taxes, so on, and so forth.  Tax dollars go centuries back.  Death, too, goes centuries back.  Death and taxes: a reoccurring theme throughout the centuries.  Some deaths were natural; others forced.  What images race through your mind when the name Charles Manson is spoken?  Even if you were born after 1969, images of stories told for decades about Manson are probably colorfully splattered all over your mind.  Let me put your mind at ease.  He's still alive.  Our tax dollars have kept him alive, fed, and on death row for more than thirty years.  We even give him the option of parole!  Of course, he's always denied parole because he's too mental to be released to society, but we like to entertain the thought.  Does the skeleton-like face of Richard "The Night Stalker" Ramirez ever enter your nightmares?  In 1989 he received nineteen death sentences in which Ramirez replied, "Big deal, death comes with the territory…. see you in Disneyland."  We keep this gem alive.  In fact, our tax dollars paid for this killer of more than thirteen to get married in 1996.  Ramirez doesn't waste his free time just sitting in his San Quentin death row cell; he paints and sells artwork to the outside world.  He is such a thoughtful, caring killer that he donates some of his earnings to charity.  What a guy!  With extraordinary men like Ramirez out there in the world, how can we fault Susan Smith for strapping her two young lads of just two and four in the back seat of her car and letting it roll into a lake for them to drown (that is, after she jumped out)?  After all, her boyfriend didn't want kids.  She can't be faulted for trying to keep her man happy, so we keep her alive.  Need I even mention OJ Simpson?  Oh wait, the glove did not fit, so he isn't guilty.  Scratch that name.

I am not a left or right winged activist.  I do not follow politics,  and I rarely watch the news.  I am not here to propose a new law, to have a petition signed, or to start a riot.  I am not running for any sort of office or telling you how to think.  I am simply trying to save the hard-working American a little money.  It hardly seems fair that while we are struggling to keep our heads above water, to keep food in our children's mouths, working to pay our mortgages or rent, and abiding by the law we should have to keep these killers safe and fed.  What do we get for our hard work and suffering?  We get to stay out of prison, where we would finally lose the weight we've been meaning to shed, stick to an exercise routine, never worry about where our next meal would come from, and get the education and vocational skills we've been meaning to get, but haven't had time for.  The best part of it all is someone else will be fronting the bill!  Ah yes, it's good to pay taxes!

A good percentage of our taxes go toward good and not evil.  I propose we get rid of paying the taxes that go to evil.  Face it, none of us want a maximum-security prison popping up in our backyard.  How do we protect ourselves from this happening?  The Old Testament was written for a different time, but "An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth" can still be applied to our time.  If they admit to the crime they must do the time!  I'm not talking about low-life drug dealers, the petty thieves, or the parking ticket violators.  I'm referring to the Timothy McVeigh's, Ted Bundy's, and Jeffrey Dahmer's of the world.  They confessed to their crimes: they should die.  Why tie up our court system and waste the taxpayer's money by giving confessed killers a trial?  Put that money back in our pockets by taking their word that they committed the crime.  If there are people out there stupid enough to confess to a murder they didn't commit, then they should be killed for being so stupid.  I'm not age or gender biased.  Throw them all together.

It's a waste of millions of tax dollars killing these murderers by lethal injections, gas chambers, and electrocution chairs.  These murders should be sent to a place like the Bermuda Triangle or The Black Hole where once they enter they are never seen or heard from again.  The money that is currently set aside to build new prisons should be spent on cement mix and iron bars.  That won't cost much more than a couple thousand dollars.  We'll need cement and transportation trucks, which I'm sure will be donated to the cause.  Labor will come for current prisoners by way of their "inmate labor program".  Sounds pretty cheap so far, don't it?  We could even see a tax refund!  As for location, I would never suggest this facility being built anywhere near civilization.  With all the open space in the world a secluded location is bound to be found.  It should not be a cold location because they would freeze, thus preserving their bodies for many years before decomposition begins.  My suggestion would be, perhaps, Death Valley or a secluded location in Arizona or Nevada.  If an escape were to occur, which I scoff at the thought, the location should be a place where it would take the escapee forty days and forty nights to reach any sort of civilization, and unless s/he is Jesus, I don't see him or her making it.

This location will not have prison guards.  No food will be shipped in (no delivery cost).  No restroom facilities will be provided (no sewage or water line cost).  No cots, no weights, no TV, no phones, no books or magazines, and no inmate programs.  Just think of all the tax dollars we're saving ourselves!  All these murderers will have is a slab of cement 100 feet by 100 feet wide with bars cemented in around the sides and across the top.  If the scorching days, freezing nights, lack of shelter and food doesn't kill them then they'll kill each other.  That's what they do.  They kill.  Let them kill each other.  If they choose to eat each other to stay alive only to live longer in these conditions then more power to them!  Whatever is left over the vultures, coyotes, and night creatures will finish off.  No need for burial is more money back in the taxpayer's pocket and we're giving back to nature.

Now that I'm older I understand the need for both taxes and death.  They are both natural life occurrences that cannot be avoided and do not have to be a bad experiences.  We have to pay taxes, but we do not have to kill one another.  This proposal, if enforced, will either discourage senseless killings or only the most brilliant killers who can slip by the FBI or be acquitted because a glove did not fit will continue to kill.  The unknown location will be plentiful at first, but will dwindle over time.  Once the stories cycle through generation to generation about the bad people who killed others and were never seen or heard from again, the senseless killing of young children and adults will stop and our future will be promising and our pockets plentiful.

American jails and prisons are woefully overcrowded.  According to Justice Department statistics, published on the Bureau of Justice Statistics website at http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/prisons.htm, there are currently over 1.3 million prisoners in Federal and State prisons.  This does not even take into account the population of city and county jails.  The total inmate population in jails and prisons has been estimated at over two million prisoners at the end of the year 2000.  While tough-talking politicians have succeeded in lowering crime rates, the prison population continues to soar.  Last year, there were 478 prison inmates for each 100,000 U.S. residents, which was up from only 292 inmates per 100,000 residents in the year 1990.  This has been looked upon by many as a victory in the fight against crime, but it comes at quite a heavy cost.  In California, the cost in 1999 to house each inmate was $20,758. (This is according to the California  Department of Corrections website at http://www.cdc.state.ca.us/inmtcst.htm.)  If each inmate in the entire United States costs a similar amount to maintain, the sum is a staggering $41,516,000,000.00.  That's over $41 billion – with a "b".  Even assuming lower costs for other states, half of the amount is still a whopping $20 billion per year of hard-earned taxpayer money, each and every year.  The time has come for a fresh perspective on the prison situation.  I would like to humbly propose an alternative method of dealing with criminals.

My plan would consist of three major components.  It will be necessary to deal with the convicted criminals differently, depending on the severity and violence of their crimes.  Therefore, the first component is to handle the most violent offenders, somewhere around thirty to forty percent of the total inmate population.  These individuals - murderers, rapists, child molesters - are rightly considered by society as human scum.  They should not be entitled to three square meals per day at taxpayer expense, along with free access to televisions, computers, and gymnasium facilities.  Many honest, hard-working, law-abiding citizens in this country cannot afford these luxuries.  I say, it is high time we return to an idea from the past – penal colonies.  Let us locate an uninhabited island sufficiently remote from any other as to make escape unlikely.  It doesn't need to be very large because overcrowding will not be a problem for long with these violent folks.  This will be a humane solution since we will not be executing the prisoners, nor will we deprive them of food or shelter.  We will simply require that they contrive these necessities for themselves.  Practicality and reason would dictate that we should procure two such islands so that female prisoners could be housed separately.  We certainly don't want this undesirable element of society to reproduce itself by mating.

Some detractors of this plan may point out that acquiring these islands will be costly.  However, I would remind them of the annual costs we currently pay.  Surely a couple of islands could be purchased for less than $100 billion.  This would be a one-time investment,‚”Øq·–ƒ]TõÂ�ŠzW°+³ºÐË@Õ¥š; zô‡Ñ÷+Çü1âK†æ!˜°øÈ̉†»mÝû_é"
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£ U:Úå.ˆÌ]¸ª›¦ÝJÚ£Ôh­°CoÓ+Vˆ·¶ íoºaD_ïŸÒÆí¾¦emz7�!ª‚ѪLÖE»måÎAH�LÞš¶D,×”žC”Rö€ Ó#¦7” ÆS§ÿIö±¬n%LH¼Ut-ó(spS$ÌŸ›ú–&#äݶQmêl»©à¦ðzB¹‰ŠDn’ú·dÏS�L·…Ë€ µÇΟŠÛ‰ä{þÚ4;í.è£Ý¦A¹gÐD{a•!ß*ƒ²ÒÄâFj�5úô:^d_mxM‡°…wŒqÁ`§éÂcp€:Ú¬¡íü{µZ<¿æ§=×j>?ý;PåõUš”V$ér£²H®{v÷’³öþçëïoíÛuâ�jø†w:¿òŸÿ;Pé.÷Ò2mů¿6_•{V»*è
òyÑÇeÇãF“Ÿª¯ß¨L;ö¯Ç©?‡Zapp0f̶{*e some ongoing expenditures, they will be considerably less than the current spending levels.  We will be able to close at least half of the prison and jail facilities across the country by instituting phase one.  Guards and other prison staff will still be necessary to oversee the nonviolent criminals, but a higher prisoner-to-guard ratio will be effective, since these are nonviolent offenders.  Prisoners will be utilized as a human resource, rather than being a drain on the economy.&ocean world" width="636" height="59" border="0">

[][ ] This page is [ ]

Dr. Chamberlin's Fall 2002 Online Course Guidelines

This page last updated: Tuesday, August 13, 2002 2:33 PM

7. E-Mail Rules of Conduct!

If you have any questions, comments, problems, issues, concerns, interesting news or plain ol' friendly talk, please send an e-mail to my professional e-mail address at drc@oceansonline.com.

Please put your NAME, SECTION and STUDENT ID# as the first line of all e-mails you send to me. That means, put your name, section and student ID# as the first line of the e-mail. I repeat: name, section, student ID FIRST, then type your message.

Please indicate a SUBJECT for your e-mail (like "Help", "a quick question", question about exam", etc). E-mails without subjects are rude and you don't want to be rude, do you? E-mails without a name or subject will not be answered.

If your e-mail is a question of a general nature and pertains to everyone in the course, I will respond through the Cybernauts mailing list (more info in the next section). Otherwise, you will receive an e-mail back from me within 48 hours max. I typically will respond to your e-mails within hours (minutes, sometimes) unless I am traveling or having a really good time somewhere. If you don't receive a message back from me, please send your e-mail again and/or call me on the phone. Don't wait days for me to respond. If you don't hear from me, it could be that your e-mail inbox is full (always check this first) or that your e-mail address was incorrectly transmitted or that something went wrong at my end. Please feel free to send another e-mail. I'd rather get too many e-mails from you than none.

Please NEVER send me attachments. Copy and paste your message into the body of an e-mail. This is especially true for any forwards you might try to send me. Some e-mail services automatically turn forwards into attachments. Please don't send them. Attachments are the number one vector for dangerous computer viruses and I will delete them no matter what. I delete attachments from my mother so don't feel discriminated against. They are just a bad idea unless you confirm via phone that an attachment has been sent (which is what my mom does). It's easy enough to copy and paste your message into the body of an e-mail. Otherwise, put a hard copy in the U.S. mail or Fullerton campus mail.

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acehalf.gif HTTP/1.0" 200 47 "" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 5.5; Windows 98; MSN 6.1; MSNbBBYZ; MSNmen-us; MSNc21)" 205.186.144.164 cvc3.ccc.cccd.edu amjh [03/Oct/2002:00:09:22 ] "GET /read HTTP/1.0" 200 7028 "" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 5.5; Windows 98; MSN 6.1; MSNbBBYZ; MSNmen-us; MSNc21)" 205.186.144.164 cvc3.ccc.cccd.edu amjh [03/Oct/2002:00:09:51 ] "GET /read HTTP/1.0" 200 53324 "" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 5.5; Windows 98; MSN 6.1; MSNbBBYZ; MSNmen-us; MSNc21)" 205.186.144.164 cvc3.ccc.cccd.edu amjh [03/Oct/2002:00:09:56 ] "GET /expand HTTP/1.0" 200 15389 "" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 5.5; Windows 98; MSN 6.1; MSNbBBYZ; MSNmen-us; MSNc21)" 205.186.144.164 cvc3.ccc.cccd.edu amjh [03/Oct/2002:00:10:23 ] "GET /collapse HTTP/1.0" 200 12691 "" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 5.5; Windows 98; MSN 6.1; MSNbBBYZ; MSNmen-us; MSNc21)" 205.186.144.164 cvc3.ccc.cccd.edu amjh [03/Oct/2002:00:10:28 ] "GET /collapse HTTP/1.0" 200 9839 "" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 5.5; Windows 98; MSN 6.1; MSNbBBYZ; MSNmen-us; MSNc21)" 205.186.144.164 cvc3.ccc.cccd.edu amjh [03/Oct/2002:00:10:37 ] "GET /read HTTP/1.0" 200 3723 "" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 5.5; Windows 98; MSN 6.1; MSNbBBYZ; MSNmen-us; MSNc21)" 4.60.184.178 cvc3.ccc.cccd.edu davidfeliciano [03/Oct/2002:10:19:09 ] "GET /%7Efceng100hbmon HTTP/1.0" 200 1309 "" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 5.21; Mac_PowerPC)" 4.60.184.178 cvc3.ccc.cccd.edu davidfeliciano [03/Oct/2002:10:19:12 ] "GET /toolbar HTTP/1.0" 200 3839 "" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 5.21; Mac_PowerPC)" 4.60.184.178 cvc3.ccc.cccd.edu davidfeliciano [03/Oct/2002:10:19:13 ] "GET /list HTTP/1.0" 200 9901 "" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 5.21; Mac_PowerPC)" 4.60.184.178 cvc3.ccc.cccd.edu davidfeliciano [03/Oct/2002:10:19:13 ] "GET /empty HTTP/1.0" 200 1179 "" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 5.21; Mac_PowerPC)" 4.60.184.178 cvc3.ccc.cccd.edu davidfeliciano [03/Oct/2002:10:19:13 ] "GET /wbimages/tb-search-mo.gif HTTP/1.0" 200 397 "" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 5.21; Mac_PowerPC)" 4.60.184.178 cvc3.ccc.cccd.edu davidfeliciano [03/Oct/2002:10:20:09 ] "GET /%7Efceng100hbmon HTTP/1.0" 200 1345 "" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 5.21; Mac_PowerPC)" 4.60.184.178 cvc3.ccc.cccd.edu davidfeliciano [03/Oct/2002:10:20:10 ] "GET /toolbar HTTP/1.0" 200 3839 "" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 5.21; Mac_PowerPC)" 4.60.184.178 cvc3.ccc.cccd.edu davidfeliciano [03/Oct/2002:10:20:10 ] "GET /list HTTP/1.0" 200 3364 "" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 5.21; Mac_PowerPC)" 4.60.184.178 cvc3.ccc.cccd.edu davidfeliciano [03/Oct/2002:10:20:10 ] "GET /empty HTTP/1.0" 200 1179 "" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 5.21; Mac_PowerPC)" 4.60.184.178 cvc3.ccc.cccd.edu davidfeliciano [03/Oct/2002:10:20:13 ] "GET /expand HTTP/1.0" 200 9901 "" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 5.21; Mac_PowerPC)" 4.60.184.178 cvc3.ccc.cccd.edu davidfeliciano [03/Oct/2002:10:20:19 ] "GET /read HTTP/1.0" 200 7586 "" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 5.21; Mac_PowerPC)" 4.60.184.178 cvc3.ccc.cccd.edu davidfeliciano [03/Oct/2002:10:22:34 ] "GET /read HTTP/1.0" 200 27950 "" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 5.21; Mac_PowerPC)" 4.60.184.178 cvc3.ccc.cccd.edu davidfeliciano [03/Oct/2002:10:23:55 ] "GET /read HTTP/1.0" 200 47708 "" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 5.21; Mac_PowerPC)" 4.60.184.178 cvc3.ccc.cccd.edu davidfeliciano [03/Oct/2002:10:24:41 ] "GET /read HTTP/1.0" 200 53539 "" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 5.21; Mac_PowerPC)" 4.60.184.178 cvc3.ccc.cccd.edu davidfeliciano [03/Oct/2002:10:27:16 ] "GET /read HTTP/1.0" 200 69804 "" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 5.21; Mac_PowerPC)" 4.60.184.178 cvc3.ccc.cccd.edu davidfeliciano [03/Oct/2002:10:30:17 ] "GET /read HTTP/1.0" 200 3589 "" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 5.21; Mac_PowerPC)" 4.60.184.178 cvc3.ccc.cccd.edu davidfeliciano [03/Oct/2002:10:31:55 ] "GET /read HTTP/1.0" 200 50383 "" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 5.21; Mac_PowerPC)" 216.239.46.27 cvc3.ccc.cccd.edu - [03/Oct/2002:12:49:04 ] "GET /~fceng100hbmon HTTP/1.0" 200 3729 "" "Googlebot/2.1 (+http://www.googlebot.com/bot.html)" 198.81.26.vti_encoding:SR|utf8-nl vti_author:SR|CVC3\\arlington vti_modifiedby:SR|CVC3\\arlington vti_timecreated:TR|23 Oct 2002 19:55:36 -0000 vti_timelastmodified:TR|24 Oct 2002 00:11:40 -0000 vti_filesize:IR|14316 vti_extenderversion:SR|4.0.2.2717 vti_lastwidth:IX|448 vti_lastheight:IX|168 vti_backlinkinfo:VX|cvc3presentation/titleslide7.htm cvc3presentation/titleslide3.htm cvc3presentation/title.htm cvc3presentation/titleslide4.htm cvc3presentation/cvc3cccsattitle.htm vti_nexttolasttimemodified:TR|23 Ocn whenever possible, and require the criminal to work toward a positive change in his life.

Jails across California are heavily congested with prisoners. Even though many new jails are being erected, we continue to have a problem with overcrowded prisons. Many jails are segregated into the following categories: minimum, medium, maximum, and super-maximum security compounds. The highest increase in our prison population is in the minimum and medium security compounds. This is mainly due to the rise in outstanding warrants for traffic violations, petty thefts, fathers who have not paid child support, and grand auto theft. This certainly does not preclude the maximum and super-maximum penitentiaries from being overcrowded either. Unfortunately, gang violence, homicides, and attempted murder charges are steadily increasing, but fortunately not as much as minor violations. Nevertheless, jails continue to become more and more populated. Our state needs to implement a much more harsh set of standards that discourages people from committing such crimes.

Upon great thought and consideration, there is finally an action plan to reduce the prison population. This plan will truly discourage people from committing crimes. This idea is focused on saving tax payers a tremendous amount of money, making the streets safer to walk at night, improving the quality of life, and getting immediate results. This newly developed plan is known as the Severe Labor Action Plan, or an acronym referred to as SLAP. This plan is designed to change the attitudes and minds of convicts. SLAP is a threefold progressive work plan for inmates. Each job is specially designed to meet the demands and background of each inmate. Action plan one of SLAP is intended to create greater productivity of inmates and provide a useful cause to or society. This plan would involve teaching inmates trades such as farming, ranching, and carpentry. Most prisons are in isolated areas with a large amount of land surrounding the facilities. The use of oxen and hand tillers guided by inmates in bare feet would be used to till the soil in order to prepare for planting crops. Crops would include various vegetables and fruit trees. The homosexual prison population would be involved in the production of various fruits, nuts, and vegetables. In addition, other inmates would be taught to raise, care for, and slaughter livestock. Cows would be used for dairy and meat products. Additionally, pigs, lamb, chicken, and turkeys would be raised and butchered. Inmates with murder wraps would be in charge of the slaughterhouse operations.  All the produce, meat, and dairy products would be used to feed the inmate population and under privileged families. Inmates would also learn to raze old building sites to scrap lumber, which then would be used to erect barns, silos, and corrals. Inmates with terrorist backgrounds would fundamentally be responsible for the destruction of old abandoned facilities. Special training is required to perform this task. These inmates must be open to brainwashing and be gullible enough to believe there is a better place for sacrificing their bodies as a human bomb. Lastly, the inmate must be properly located inside the building upon detonation. Civil engineering is a plus.

Action plan two involves military training for inmates. Convicts would go through a rigorous training of combat and survival techniques. They would not be trained with weapons; instead they would be trained to use deadly force with paintballs. These inmates would become expert marksmen and taught to shoot out the eyes of the enemy with blood red paint, from a minimum of three hundred yards. Inmates would also learn to survive in the most severe conditions. This would include walking through hot coals in bare feet. The goal here is to create thick calluses to save expenses on buying socks and combat boots. They would learn to eat from what nature offers in the surrounding environment. This would include poisonous berries, deadly bugs, pesticide-ridden vegetables, fish with a high mercury count, venomous snakes, and whatever else is fatal. Inmates would be taught to find sources of water and then encouraged to quickly exhaust their supply. It would be mandatory to build their own sleep huts made of dry natural resources such as twigs, branches, leaves, hay, and palm leaves which are extremely flammable. At the end of a long hard day, smoking in huts would be allowed. Conditioning is definitely important in combat. Inmates would learn to stay on the move in the dark hours of night and sleep during the day finding shelter in remote locations such as caves, rock crevices, and deep foliage. This protocol would be very important and paramount to surviving the enemy. Once in combat, each inmate would reduce their sentence six months for every enemy killed. Each inmate would be taught advanced first aid. This would include bandaging, splinting, CPR, and tourniquet application in the event of a severe injury causing great blood loss or loss of a limb. In the event inmates had to transport someone with an injury, they would be required to make a stretcher from materials available in their environment. Some of the materials used for splinting a broken bone would include magazines such as Inmates Digest, Playboy, or Buns of Steel by Seymour Butts.

Action plan three involves roadside clean up and construction. Inmates would be shackled with the ball and chain to their ankles. Instead of wearing the old standard black and white striped overalls and work boots, they would wear clown outfits with big clown shoes. This would be less intimidating to the public and provide roadside entertainment in rush hour. These clowns would be used to pick up roadside trash and garbage. They would also help state highway departments dig trenches and build cement culverts for diverting rain and runoff. Convict clowns would be transported in a bus that would be painted white with various colors of balloons' on the side. On both sides of the bus there would be written, "if you don't want a clown with a frown, please don't throw your trash down!" These convict clowns would be used to beautify our parks, beaches, deserts, mountains, and highways. In addition to cleaning up California, they would be used to build freeway walls, culverts, and retaining walls to hold back falling rocks and debris on our highways. Heavy rains and flash floods in our desert regions have killed many motorists. Trenching on each side on the highway and pouring deep cement culverts drastically reduces the death toll to motorists, and damage to our highways according to the Department of Transportation (DOT). In the event of a heavy rain, water would be diverted into the deep channels creating a river on each side of the road, instead of washing it out. In our mountain areas convict clowns would build reinforced retaining walls. They would do this using brick, cement, and steel rebar. This sturdy wall would provide additional safety to catch and prevent rocks and debris from hillsides, rolling into traffic creating accidents. In suburban areas, these clowns would build tall cement walls as a barrier between the freeways and residents. These walls would be used to reduce traffic noise and provide privacy.

The overall goal of SLAP is to reduce several thousand inmates from the overcrowded prison populations across California. Strong arguments can be made that inmates cost taxpayers an incredible amount of money each year. It is a known fact that prisons are very crowded, and the prime punishment for inmates is doing their time behind bars without any expectations of hard labor. Our legal system makes it very easy for people to commit crimes without great punishment or difficulty. Many inmates have little if any education or skills. The recidivism rate on inmates is very high as many inmates return to prison. The reason for this is primarily that these people are not able to hold down or find jobs due to their criminal records, so they commit another crime. Many are known as institutionalized lifetime convicts. In prison, they have their identity, shelter, medical and dental care, and three meals a day. This is the best that many of these people will aspire to as individuals.

The problem of overcrowded prisons and inmates with little or no skills is a major issue. The immediate implementation and effects of SLAP would address both of these issues. First, it would enforce a work program that teaches inmates trades and skills. Second, it could demand unrealistic expectations and work inmates to death. This is certain to reduce the prison population. The program would be structured like a boot camp continuing throughout the term of their sentence, and only the strong would survive. Some inmates will have learned valuable trades, which can be used to start their own businesses. This would discourage many people from returning to prison and would teach them to become independent and self-sufficient. There are other benefits to be found with SLAP. These benefits would include a safer environment, lower unemployment, and a large tax-savings to Californians. Inmates have been babied too long in our current system and taxpayers have spent way too much money on new prison facilities. It is time for our politicians and lawmakers to wake up! The success of SLAP would serve as a template or pilot program to other states across our nation. The people of California need to give our state politicians a firm SLAP to help reduce the amount of inmates in our overcrowded prisons.

Politically correct individuals-- they are a fervid lot.  The apologists of peace promulgate their pathetic platitudes in the pretext of justice.  Certainly, these dangerous souls have a first amendment privilege to express their views.  Of course, in a free land such as ours, an unorthodox voice should always be heard.  The politically correct shout "No drilling for oil in Alaska" and "No God Bless America on our school marquees;" after all, drilling for oil may keep the bears awake at night, and as for our national motto, it may displease someone.  The enlightened of the politically correct are apprehensive that America might accidentally or intentionally offend an individual's or a nation's delicate ego.  The legal and political vanguards of the politically correct manipulate the United States Constitution, of its original meaning, to suit their self-seeking vision.  They bruit that the United States has the audacity to kill people in the war against terrorism.  Forget the facts, say the elitists in the media and pundits of the politically correct.  The sophistries spewed by the politically correct are ostensibly a result of their concern for our country.  My question is: which country?  Political correctness, especially in times of war, I would argue, is not in America's interest.  The advocates of the politically correct creed are divisive to America.  The politically correct crowd hides under the freedoms of the American flag; paradoxically, they refuse to display the American flag because it may offend someone of a different culture.  Whether their remonstrations are from arrogance or ignorance is a debatable question which I leave to the intellectuals of our time.  This anti-American expression must be halted immediately.  I propose several solutions to the cacophonous voices of the politically correct who exploit America's precious freedoms.

The politically correct in their haste to create utopia have expunged common sense from their minds.  For instance, some politically correct reporters and editors in the newspaper medium, in their zeal to sell newspapers, have sunk to new depths.  I recently read, in a local paper, a detailed account of the secret activities of a group of America's special operatives in Afghanistan.  The newspaper reporter revealed a detailed description of the men, their vehicle, and which town they were staying in.  The only thing left out of the article was their wives' maiden names.  Apparently, it never occurred to the reporter that Usama bin Laden has a one million dollar bounty on each American killed.  The reporter must also have forgotten that America is at war.  In defense of the reporter the paper stated, "We do not want to give the impression that we are taking sides in this conflict."  On and on goes this pompous banter.  From these obtuse individuals to the peace protesters who wave their signs of "We are sorry our government bombs you", one can only conclude that these politically correct people have their collective heads in the sand.  Though most people are now conditioned to tolerate these dolts, I won't.  I call them what they are: traitors.  Now is the time to punish them.

The politically correct must be arrested immediately.  They should have no privilege to lengthy or expensive trial.  After all, they like to emulate other political structures, so let's start by mimicking their judicial systems.  We will begin by adjudicating their cases the Taliban way, specifically, the outcome already decided prior to the trial.  Unlike an Al Qaeda trial, though, we will supply a jury that will consist of the family members of those murdered September 11, 2001 in New York, Washington D.C. , and Pennsylvania.  The politically correct can then explain, in front of the grieving relatives of the victims, their reasoning why America is to blame for the murders committed by the terrorists.  To the fatherless children, they can give a detailed account for the reasons why America must sympathize with these radicals.  The politically correct can clarify, to America, why they are cowards.  The verdict is in; political correctness is guilty on all counts.  Now it is time for the sentencing.

Obviously, punishments should be designed to create a lasting impression on the convicted.  Three hot meals per day and a cot at the local jail would not do.  After all, a steady diet, weight lifting, and cable television are not exactly punishments for any type of crime.  The politically correct people who have been commiserating with the radical elements of the Muslim world need to see, smell, and feel what that world stands for and what that world has wrought upon the United States.  There will be separate punishments for the men and women.  Men would be taken to the World Trade Center.  Their role will be to assist the rescue workers in digging, finding, and identifying all that were slain in the attack on innocent lives.  Their own senses will discern the horror of war: the fetid smell of death, the grotesque sight of mutilated bodies, the feel of crushed bones and decayed flesh; they will be forced to listen to the sounds of the crying children whose mothers were murdered in the attack.  The women are to be banished to Afghanistan, to live first hand the oppressive conditions in which that world inflicts upon women.  Now the politically correct, who have been indoctrinating others with their folly, will themselves be indoctrinated into reality.

Subsequently, should the first of these punishments not reform the politically correct, and they return to their past behavior, an additional punishment must ensue: their financial assets are to be frozen immediately.  Their financial assets are to be used to re-train these lost souls.  After all, for years they have been attempting to indoctrinate all of America with their new age dogma.  Now it is time for them to be taught the truth.  The politically correct must successfully complete a curriculum rich in common sense and reality based education, such as United States Sovereignty 101 and Unedited U.S. Constitutional Studies.  To be fair, as most Americans are, the politically correct may earn units toward a college degree.  If they earn enough re-training units, and if they can sing God Bless America without a scowl on their face, then the formally politically correct may be eligible for parole.  But woe to those who choose to fall back to their superannuated politically correct ways; for those individuals it would be better if they had not been born.

Should these impetuous individuals still insist on their first amendment privilege to express their politically correct views, they shall be subject to the most in-human torture of all.  Each politically correct person will be placed in an austere eight by eight sound- proof room.  In this room will be one hard-backed chair and one small wooden table.  On this table shall be one phone.  It is here where other Americans shall express their first amendment privilege, unceasingly.  That's correct, the bane of civilization itself: telemarketers shall phone incessantly day and night.  No relief, no mercy, no absolution.  A continuous barrage of subscription services, mortgage re-financers, car loan lenders and other unscrupulous parasites shall phone perpetually.  Let the punishment fit the crime.  For those that survive, I can predict a complete reversal of their misguided politically correct ways.  In fact, I believe that these persons will constitute America's new fighting warriors.  No Green Beret or Navy Seal has ever had to experience this insidious training method.  This will save the United States Government untold millions on the training of new Special Forces personnel.  This is a win win situation for America.

In times of peace and security silly people endeavor to persuade other people to accept their silly ideologies.  In times of war, silly people need to go away.  This is not the time to discuss the feelings of other cultures or their self-esteem; this is the time to stand united and win a war.  There is no moral equivalence here; five thousand innocent civilians were murdered on United States soil.  It will take toil and blood to win this war.  Stand back supercilious politically correct; it is time for honorable men to die for your freedom.

I have a very good friend who insists that every problem in the world can be connected to the male/female interactions in relationships.  When I listen to him explain, I must admit that he has a point – there is certainly a plethora of evidence to support his claim.  Our divorce rate is climbing daily; domestic violence is on the rise; single families are the norm rather than the exception these days.  There are books written on the topic of interpersonal, romantic relationships.  We have talk shows trying to explain to us the differences between the sexes, seminars trying to teach us how to understand our male or female counterparts, and weekend getaways to teach us how to cohabitate.  While these attempts to educate us are certainly lucrative for the sponsors of the programs, they don't seem to be very effective in arriving at a long-term solution.

I personally have attempted to solve the relationship dilemma upon many occasions and have even made a couple of leaps of faith, only to be dropped by the waiting arms of my partner.  An accident, of course!  There I am, lovingly and devotedly tending the homefires, while my partner is out bringing home the bacon – or, more on target, perusing the availability of life on the other side – the "greener pastures" quest.  I am not immune to the "greener pastures" quest either.  It seems to be a disease that runs rampant in relationships for which there is no vaccine and certainly no cure!  "Greener pastures" disease rears its ugly head right around the two-year mark in a relationship, and it usually continues well into the fifty-year mark, if a relationship survives its first bout with this deadly ailment.  Occasionally, it even continues well past the fifty year anniversary, but it often fizzles out because of the age of the participants – the pasture's grass has begun to wither a little, and it is just too much of an effort to try to keep it green any longer.

Why do we continue to put ourselves through this misery?  Why not simply stop trying to force relationships, and just peacefully co-exist?  With a simple change in our current lifestyle, the whole problem will not only be remedied, but virtually everyone will be completely serene, and we will probably increase our lifespans by several years to boot.  Men should be allowed to live in one area, a street or perhaps a small area of a neighborhood where they can be allowed to live in the style to which they would like to become accustomed.  There would be no family gathering with the in-laws, no reason to shave, nobody nagging them to lower the toilet seat or pick up their clothes from where they drop when they take them off. They would have their own personal remote for not only the television but every appliance for which a remote is made!  Imagine the glee!  Women would have unlimited use of the telephone, complete control of dinner parties, open, group shopping expeditions, with long gossipy lunches, and the complete freedom to take control of whatever situation presented itself.  How could this possibly create anything but happy, well-adjusted people?  There would be no need to think about what would have to be done to accommodate a partner at any time, except, of course, when a cohabitant date is mutually agreed upon.  Whenever any male and female decided to have a cohabitant date, they would proceed to the "cohabitant" area; an area completely separate from either the male or the female neighborhoods.  Both parties would agree beforehand to a set time limit for their cohabitation, whether it be two hours or two months.  It is, however, against the rules to extend the cohabitation period beyond one year, as that has been proven to be when the "greener pastures" disease first starts to present symptoms.

If the cohabitation agreements produce any offspring, the following rules will apply.  During the first three months, the offspring will stay will the females, as that is an important "bonding" period.  Of course, if any offspring have problems sleeping through the entire night, this is completely negotiable because everyone knows that females need their beauty rest.  With men, you can't really tell how much sleep they have or have not had the previous night, so it doesn't matter if they need to stay up all night with a screaming offspring.  As the offspring get older and become school aged, they can sleep at the female residence until they reach puberty (if they are male), and then they go to the male residence.  After school, however, they need to go to the male residence so they can complete their homework.  They may be allowed occasionally to come to the female residence area to eat, if the female likes to cook.  This can also be a negotiable aachedhasborder:BR|false vti_syncwith_localhost\\c\:\\websitecvc/c\:/websitecvc:TR|24 Oct 2002 00:11:13 -0000 š„ƒË5 ð!4ãO°ÐAˆç“$<†„PG Ëðš<ðÔßWD%D ËŸaØ„"a|BÞ‘»P`0Éh³xxxx€